Deciding on a major is like performing open heart surgery on yourself.

Standard

Well. I’m 21 years old, going on my fifth transfer college,  countless change in majors; back to living with my mom. No job, no car and absolutely no money.  You would think I’d have it all figured out by now. I’ve seen the side of practically every major there is out there, and yet I still have no idea.  But I am determined to make this move my last college and final major! The only issue is landing on exactly what that will be. How do you know what you want to do with the rest of your life? Will what makes you happy now make you happy in ten, twenty, thirty years? You are blindly going into this surgery without knowing exactly what your doing to yourself, or what the end result will be. My sister, bless her heart, works in the oncology department at her hospital. She watches people (people, not patients) come in day after day only to hear bad news. Even if the news is, “We don’t see any trace of melanoma “, it still means that it will never completely go away.  One day, however far down the road, they will die from cancer and it’s complications. She grows to care for these people and admire their strength, only to have to tend to them as they pass away. I see the effects that this has on her, and it truly saddens my heart. I’m watching a profession that she loves turn into something completely agonizing. Then there is my mother. She has always hated her jobs, and I don’t know if it’s simply because she worked so many of them at once, so many long hours, or if she just never found the right calling. I am absolutely terrified that I will end up hating my life. And what a tragedy that is, because life is so short, so precious, and there are no do-over’s. Then, there is the other extreme to it. A life of bliss, a life of doing something you are so passionate about that it doesn’t even feel like work. My brother has loved wrestling since he was six years old, all suited up in his leotard. He went on to be a phenomenal wrestler, and even made a profession of it. He now coaches wrestling at a very prestigious university, and every day he wakes up excited to go to work. So how do I reach this bliss? Well I guess following my passion is the correct answer. So what’s my passion? How do I follow it when I know there isn’t a job market for it? When I’ve already been in school for three years, and it might mean starting completely over? What if it’s my passion now, but I end up hating it. So now I’m stuck in a job I hate, making barely enough money to survive? Deciding on a path that leads down the rest of your life is a scary thing! Frankly, terrifying to me. Everyone else I know has a vision for the rest of their years, but I just feel so lost. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever make it through alive, or if I’ll make one wrong incision, cut an artery and stop my heart beating, becoming a lifeless zombie wondering the rest of my life in misery….

Stay tuned.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s